“So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun.”
Crap. That song always kicks me in the gut. Not because it’s time to start all fresh and shiny and new. Nah, I’m ok with that part. In fact, I’m pretty much the queen of goals and beginnings. What makes me want to puke about “Happy Xmas (War is Over” is the line And what have you done?
It’s mocking me. MOCKING.
Mom, John Lennon is mocking meeeeeee…
I’m pretty sure John Lennon is not mocking you. John Lennon died before you were born.
Mooooom, Yoko Ono is mocking me.
If Yoko Ono is mocking you, you probably deserve it.
This is my mom opening Christmas gifts. She doesn't like it when I post pictures of her on my blog, but that's what she gets for having pretend conversations with me in my mind.
For the record, this is a completely fictionalized conversation. My mother doesn’t indulge in my shenanigans, ever at Christmas time. But damn it, pretend Mama Boyer is right. I do probably deserve it. That line always gets me because at the end of every year I have this sinking feeling that I haven’t done enough. I’m a completely different person than I was last Christmas, and yet the more things change, the more they stay the same.
What the heck keeps me in this position? Why do I always get to the end of the year and feel like I haven’t accomplished anything?
Logically, I know I’ve accomplished things. Small things, maybe, but things. And that’s a start. I think my problem is that all these small things haven’t been adding up to big things. I want to accomplish BIG THINGS. I want, just once, to get to the end of a year, hear that song, and think, “HAHA, Mr. Lennon! I’ve done a LOT. What have YOU done?”
Thanks to the Beatles being introduced on iTunes earlier this year, I’m pretty sure that John Lennon’s done more this year from beyond the grave than most of of us could wish to do, but that’s besides the point.
The point is that I want to get to the end of the year and not be a completely changed person. I want to be the same person I was the year before, just a better version.
So what holds me back? Or at least, what has held me back in the past?
Fear.
“Let’s hope it’s a good one…without any fear.” Ah, the song knows all! ALL!
I think what has held me back, and what holds a lot of people back, is the fear to go after what we really want, and perhaps the fear to even figure that out. I’m all for trying new things. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that prince - and that applies to your career too, not just relationships. It’s ok to move from one career path to the next, to change directions. But are you doing it because you honestly don’t know what you want to do in life and need to French some amphibians? Or do you know in your heart which frog to kiss, but he’s swimming at the bottom of a scary murky lake?
I had a picture of a frog to go here. This, as you may be able to tell, is not a frog. Godiva was offended that I was going to post a picture of another animal.
Or worse, are you afraid to even look at the bottom of the lake?
I’ve been afraid to look for a long time. I enjoyed success as a freelance writer, so I stuck to that, writing hundreds of SEO articles every month for clients, even though it was starting to feel like more and more of a drag every day. That’s not to say I haven’t had some projects I loved. In fact, I still do article/ebook writing work for other people when I love the project.
This past year, I feel like I finally gave fear the middle finger and asked myself, “Is this really what I want to do? Am I really as happy as I tell people I am? What’s at the bottom of the lake?”
And what I found when I took the dive was blogging and social media. Since telling fear to fuck off, I’ve redesigned and relaunched two blogs (this one and a private one that does surprisingly well), dropped some of the clients I hate in exchange for a much lower paying job with BlogWorld and JobMonkey (both clients I love - plus blogging gigs! If only those gigs grew on trees!), and connected with other bloggers from around the world to start building my empire.
So I guess I did accomplish a lot, even if “Happy Xmas” still feels like a sucker punch. I think the true test will be 2024. Will I kiss the frog and make this blogging thing work for me? Or will I be a completely different person at the end of the year once again, wondering why I couldn’t build on my success instead of continuously feeling like I need to start over?
I ask you this: Will your 2024 be a good one, without any fear? Will you admit what you really want to do in life by looking for that frog - and more importantly, will you kiss that slimy little sucker when you find it? Will 2024 by your year, finally?
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BJ Craven approves of the picture of Godiva.
And, dude? You need the fear to kick arse. Make 2024 about what you learn from pushing through the fear and doing what you want anyway
Ok, ok, point taken - the existence of fear can be good! Maybe a better line would be “Let’s hope it’s a good one/without giving in to fear. Godiva needs to make more appearances here on AG. She loves the attention!